My Facebook has been flooded with memories this past month of last year. My family and I were holding our breath...just waiting...
As I lay down to go to sleep (apparently after watching Downton Abbey, dealing with heartburn, sending Kyle to the store for milk because of it, and standing with the door wide open because I was having a hot flash - thanks Facebook memories). I figured we would go to my doctors appointment at 1pm and learn I would be induced the next day. I didn't expect that I would wake up with mild contractions. Within thirty minutes they were two to four minutes apart. With a call to my doctor, and confirmation from them, Kyle and I loaded up and headed to the hospital. This was all a new experience for us since I had the girls at home.
Though I was in pain, I couldn't contain my excitement. Our little boy was about to be here, and probably soon since Olivia proved to show up within three hours of labor starting.
I should have known something was wrong when we came to hour four, and there hadn't been a lot of progress, and the pain was worse than Sophee and Olivia combined. Baby boy was not wanting to come. Finally by hour ten, and three rounds of pushing, my doctor said we would have a c-section. This was something we both tried so hard to avoid. I know she hated telling me this, and I hated hearing, but my sweet boy was not coming and his heart rate dropped with every contraction. Much of this was a blur for me because between the epidural, spinal tap, and pain meds, I was out of it. (And while I was thankful for those but I hated how I felt being on them and coming off of them). I never once felt a tug or pull like my doctor said I would.
At 6:51 P.M., on December 28th, Deklan David Wyatt made his debut, weighing in at 10 lbs 6 oz and 23 1/2 inches long. They tried so hard to get him over to his area before he cried...before he could suck down the meconium further into his lungs, but that did not happen. All I can recall was not being too worried because Sophee had the same issue...and that I just wanted to have my baby in my arms.
The next two hours were tough, waiting in recovery, waiting to hear anything on Deklan. Once we did, it was not what I was expecting.
Deklan had meconium aspirtation syndrome...his white blood cell count was way too high, and his right lung was collapsed. There were other terms and issues thrown at me but I couldn't keep up with it. All I could think was that I still had not seen my baby, and now I was being told he was being taken downtown to Texas Childerns Hospital. This was not how this was suppose to go. He was suppose to be with me, in my arms.
I didn't get to lay eyes on my boy till 11 something. And there he was. My big boy, in an incubater, almost too big for it. And the worst part was, between signing paper work and people talking, I couldn't reach out and touch my boy before he left. It was too painful to move and he was too far out of reach. As everyone left the room, Kyle to follow the ambulance and my mom to get my stuff out of the car, I lost it. What if he didn't make it?...What if I never got to hold my boy? I quickly started praying and gave it to God...It was the only way to keep me sane. I had no idea that during the drive something happened to make the ambulance go almost 100. I had no idea the fear that Kyle felt, as I found out later or what Kyle felt when he told God that if he wanted Deklan back, he was ok with it. I had no idea that in those first 12 to 24 hours the doctor said that we were just living hour by hour, as my baby's life was hanging by a thread. I had no idea in those first 48 hours of my son's life how close I was to losing him.
Its never easy to see your child in pain. When I walked into Deklan's room and saw him hooked up to so many things, it killed me. I would give anything to trade places with him at that moment. It killed me every time his machines alarm would go off, his numbers dropped, his diaper needed to be changed, because I could do nothing about it. It's a mother's job to take care of her children, and I couldn't do it those first few days. When they began to lower his meds, and I would see him cry, but no sound came out due to the breathing tube...I honestly don't know what words could adequately describe the pain I was feeling.
That month in the NICU was tough. Two weeks at Texas Childrens and two weeks at Methodist West. We were so blessed to have amazing doctors and nurses who loved our sweet boy and fought for him. They not only took care of him, but us as well. One nurse left me a sweet note on my birthday, while another made me lactation cookies. It always made me laugh when the nurses would see me come in and they would get sad because that meant they didn't get to hold Deklan.
I know there are many people who spend much longer in the NICU. No matter though, if you spend a couple of days, a month or a year, seeing your child in pain, in need, hurts. Time holds no meaning while you are there. When I think back on that time I feel like we were there much longer...days ran together.
It was definitely a time our faith was tested...well maybe not tested...but it did grow my faith as well as my husband's faith. We had to rely on God in a way we never had before. While I hate that Deklan went through all that pain...I am thankful for the journey. What a testimony our sweet boy has. What a testimony our family has because of this.
As we celebrate our sweet boy today, this year comes rushing back to me. It has been a true joy having Deklan in our family. I don't think Kyle, myself, or the girls realized our family was incomplete until God blessed us with this sweet little boy. 2016 has seen some tough times for us, but all I have to do is look at my sweet boy, hear his laughter, or watch him learn something new and I'm reminded how blessed we all have truly been this past year.
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